Everyone on here tells me how much they respect me for being so blunt and honest all the time and I hate it. Because I’m not. If I was I’d be pissing a lot more people off than I do already. I hold back so much just so I don’t hurt peoples feelings and I’m honestly getting sick of it.

Do any of you realize how annoying it is to make a post saying, “I love ‘so and so’” or “I find ‘so and so’ hot.” or what about “Everyone is on here is stupid.” and then have someone reply with, “oh” or “cool” or “thanks” or “ok” or anything like that as is meaning “I’m glad you don’t feel the same about me.” or a sarcasm “thanks for feeling that way about me” something in the same sense as if they’re actually wanting you to make an exception for them and have you compliment them. That goes under “fishing for compliments” right? Just stop the attention seeking.

And then there are people who text me constantly. Between 2-8+ daily and I never respond. Can you not take the hint? Eventually they stop. But in the meantime you are so goddamn fucking annoying. If this happens don’t text me months later down the road thinking “oh maybe he’ll talk to me now” because chances are once you already got on my nerves you’re still gonna be fucking annoying to me and trying to talk is just gonna make me mad. Same goes for ppl sending me asks on here.

And then gay guys. I am not fucking gay. I will never ever be gay. So stop trying to turn me gay. We can joke we can have fun flirting but you will never ever have a chance with me. You’re wasting your time and getting on my damn nerves. You say being gay isn’t a choice. Well then neither is being straight. So you can’t turn a straight guy gay. 

There are so many goddamn things people do that piss me off and I’m about to fucking snap at every single person who does it from now on from having to hold all of these things in just to spare feelings. I feel like these are just common sense and you all should know these things and know that they are annoying or just plain stupid to be doing but you do them anyway.

(Source: jts9982)

I always push. I never have a good reason to push. Things can be going just fine but then I get scared and push. Or the fact that even when things are truly okay, my head won’t let me believe it. Thoughts will enter my head, thoughts that will tear myself down and give me some reason to push. I push when I desperately need someone. Even though I am reaching out, my own forces prevent me from letting myself let you in. I hate myself for it. I hate that I let myself believe such things.

I’m sorry I push you away. I’m sorry that I get scared. I’m sorry that I cause you hurt because I cannot control my own hurt in return. I’m sorry I’m such a pain. Please know that I push because I’m scared of so many things that I don’t expect you or anyone to understand. Just know that I love you.

When I push, please take me by the hand and pull me back.

(Source: jts9982)

I miss having someone to kiss every day.

jts9982:

The tingling sensation throughout your body when you’re just looking into each others eyes and smiling. The butterflies you get when your lips finally touch. The smile you can feel halfway through the kiss and start giggling. Or the way you hold each others hands with your fingers laced moving their arms around you so they’ll hold you. hgdklah;kldsagdhsjka; i’d go on but it’s driving me nuts.

(Source: jts9982, via crowded-stomach)

Sometimes light can give you nightmares. I live those nightmares in the dark. When I sleep the blood trickles through my brain, and my dark holding a light. These images I whole heartily trust in, give me trouble. As if it were real enough to touch, feel, and taste. I breath this thick, frothy air in my dreams.
I’m tired all the time. It’s almost like my body cries for these dreams and nightmares. Like I’m here to conjure up an even greater reality. My body seems to crave, and accept this sense of surrealism. The steady stream of subconsciousness excites me. But when I’m in this world where anything is possible, I face my darkest fears. I embrace this horror with passion and love. Looking under the skin of my conscious self, I keep searching for what I really believe, who I really love, and what I truly need to know. 
Sometimes my head beats like a heart. I feel the coming of another revelation in my mind. The beating of my brain, smooths over to more of an ache, but still beats less and less, and eventually more and more. I can hear the blood rush thru my head and the trip to start. As I lay in my room, resting in bed, I can sketch the darkness of my eyelids, and I draw from the music in the background.( I listen to music while I sleep, because it gives me a soundtrack for my dreams. I find it makes sleep more sensational.) I began to feel the nirvana slip through my skull and drift down over my senses. It takes over before I know it. I’m on a journey to a place and time, neither mentioned in history or the future. It takes me to a place in my thoughts. It’s that journey to the land of music, and lyrics, to where creativity and imagination take over. In this place my deepest fears, darkest secrets, and greatest joy reside. I love this place in my head where I explore myself for stories and scenes only my imaginings can take me. You’ve felt it before, where your dream is so vivid you believe what your doing will stay with you forever.

(Source: jts982)

"I want you to remember me. If you remember me, then I don’t care if everybody else forgets."

I had always gone through life thinking that other people were somehow better than me,  that their opinions were more worthy of attention, that their beliefs were somehow better even that they were more deserving than i was, more deserving of friendship, of happiness, of love.

I suppose i have since grown up, I like me and i don’t care who doesn’t like me. I am pleasant and kind and generally a nice person. I like strange things, I am over emotional, I can be overly dramatic, i tend to make things  chaotic and then see things in perspective later. I am difficult to get to know. I hide myself from most people. I obsess over odd things like pens and sweet colors. I have strange and irrational fears over the silliest of things. I like to think deeply about the world and life and death. Mundane conversation bores me to tears and for that reason i am really bad at mixing in groups. I am in almost every sense a very reserved, typical person unless you know me and then you realize that i am not really. I have many facets that most don’t see. 

I grew up with a mother that was brutally honest if it was the truth she would say it no matter who it hurt. i do value honesty above all else but i also believe that it should be emphatic there is no point in hurting someone just because you want to shout out the truth they might not be ready to hear it. 

I have learned that the most important thing to be in life is true to yourself to allow yourself to be who you are. I strive to do that daily it is not always easy. But by being true to who i am i have learned that I am good enough i do not have to change who i am or how i act just to suit others. I am happy with who i am and i will not apologize for being me

(Source: jts9982)

You are a mystery to me, you are life and energy all in one
I see what makes you great but I also see much more
You are warmth, you are love and you are caring
These are all the things I crave in life

I want to be a part of your life
I want to be one of your best friends
I want to kow you cannot live without me
I want you to be proud of me, love me when we fight

I get frustrated when I can’t
Can’t get your attention
Can’t make youuu see we belong
Can’t hold your affection for longer than a song

I dont want to feel this much for you
It’s almost like my senses are heightened
Everything that stung just a little before
Burns like hell because of you I am ignited

Something draws me to you
I have been quelling this urge for more than a year
There are times you do not exist
And other times when you are the only person alive

You are fire and I have to feel the flames
I hate you for this, I don’t like who I am
When I am not in control you are the reason
When I am with you I don’t want time to end.

(Source: jts9982)

i have this problem with keeping a relationship. its like im never satisfied with anything. i constantly change from being in love, to being disgusted by the people im with. it hurts me knowing I’m hurting them and tearing them down for the things they’ve done that I don’t like but this is me. I’m not easy to be with and I warn girls all the time before they get involved with me but they never listen. I’ll never find someone who is going to be able to handle my faults and brush them off knowing I damn well don’t necessarily mean it. I’m just pushing them away. I sabotage the good things that come my way and I don’t know how to stop. I’ve only had one person put up with my shit and it drove them into the arms of someone else.

(Source: jts9982)

Loneliness is like a void, a black pit of despair filled with heartache and longing. Loneliness is a gateway to temptation, it’s doors forever guarded by a pair of desires. The desire to be noticed and the desire to be needed. Loneliness is standing in a crowded room, a mind full of sorrows and regrets longing to be shared, while you smile beguilingly and delight those who surround you. Loneliness is a hunger, a craving for more. Loneliness is human … I am human, and loneliness is my one true vulnerability. I am lonely.

(Source: jts9982)